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Ok, just as a reminder, this week’s post is all about sex, so suffice to say this post is NSFW!
Welcome to The Essential Man Friday round-up, where I share some things I’m into, testing out, or discover.
Warning: Today’s edition is a bit NSFW, so if you wanna read it I recommend making a trip to the bathroom stall for some privacy. (Just to read, of course.)
So yesterday I tweeted out one of my favorite posts on The Essential Man, 19 Gifts You Should Get Yourself, and was promptly called out on it:
Challenge accepted Lia!
Today’s Friday Round-Up theme: How to have better sex.
#1 How to Seduce Someone on a Date
I’m a big, big, big fan of Alain de Botton.
He gained a bit of attention recently thanks to his NYT article “Why you will marry the wrong person”.
Some find his work a bit pessimistic, I have to disagree. His mix of realist thinking and philosophy is a powerful way to reframe/rewire your mindset. This isn’t some pick-up artist B.S., but a way to approach the world through a lens of empathy and perspective.
The article I mentioned above is a great read, but I recommend you check out his School of Life videos on Youtube. Here are two to get you started:
(Edit: I’ve since recommended in a more recent Friday Round-Up another channel with great advice on how to flirt. Check out Charisma on Command, specifically these videos: “How to Flirt Without Being Creepy” and “How to Flirt with Women“)
#2 The Underwear She Wants To See You In (Right Before She Rips Them Off)
In a survey of 200 women done by GQ, 64.5% voted that the sexiest type of underwear a man can wear are boxer-briefs. They’re a lot more flattering than baggy boxers and don’t give off creeper vibes like briefs.
This particular pair from Related Garments has been a huge hit in my personal life.
First, it’s sleek and form-fitting. I look slimmer, and damn does my ass look good. (Her words, not mine.) Fiancé approved.
Second, even after tons of washes, the stretch in the fabric is still strong and it hasn’t lost its shape. Wallet approved.
And the black just looks damn cool. The Essential Man approved.
#3 A Female Porn Star Shows You How to Properly Go Down on a Girl
Let’s be real here, a lot of guys give each other terrible sex advice.
And since they’re passing said bad advice along, it’s an endless cycle of terrible sex.
Unless you’re in a committed relationship with some solid communication, those girls you’re having short-term flings with aren’t trying to educate you. They’d rather spend their time looking for men that know what the fuck they’re doing.
I came across this video on the Askmen subreddit.
I was skeptical at first until I realized it was shared by a female, and had a million positive comments from other females wishing more guys would watch this video.
So here’s the one time you get to actually watch porn for educational purpose and NOT BE LYING.
Trust me on this guys, don’t skip this one.
Watch: Porn Legend Nina Hartley Shows You How to Go Down On A Girl (NSFW, obviously)
#4: Upgrade Your Sex Kit
Well, she sent me a follow-up email with some awesome advice on how to upgrade your sex kit. Here’s what she had to say:
1. The Perfect Condom is The One That Fits Right
Lia: “A lot of men make the mistake of buying condoms that just don’t fit them. The most common mistake is buying condoms that are too big: if you experience slippage during sex, or end up with a lot of space at the tip, you’re doing this. Don’t do it! Sex is much better for both parties when your condom fits properly. Go to a good sex store like Babeland, spend like $15 on a whole bunch of different condoms, and see what works for you.”
Peter: It’s all about the fit. Where have we heard this before?!?!?!
A lot of adult shops will have condom sampler packs you can pick up so you don’t end up with a box of a condom that doesn’t fit, like this one from Babeland. ($10)
2. Go Thin
Lia: “My favorite condoms are made by Kimono because they’re so thin that you can really feel each other—and each other’s heat! which you don’t in most condoms—through the latex. They come in Microthin, Microthin Large, and Maxx, pick two sizes and see which one you like best.”
Peter: My favorites have always been thin condoms as well, not only do they feel better for you and her, but it’s easier to maintain an erection. A couple of my favorite brands are Crown ($6/25 pack, Amazon) and Magnum Thin ($4.75/12 pack, Amazon) Don’t forget Lia’s recommendation of getting the right fit. Make sure you try these out in a sample pack before you commit to a big box.
3. There’s No Bigger Lady Boner Killer Than a Guy Fumbling With a Condom
Lia: “Make sure you actually know how to put a condom on, because I’ve encountered men in their 30s that don’t! Don’t have the tip completely flush against you, leave a little space, and put a little bit of lube in there.”
Peter: You know what I just realized? All those stupid “50 skills a man should know” list always have “Start a campfire”, but never list put on a condom.
What the fuck?! Let’s get it together guys.
Read this: Planned Parenthood: How to put on a condom
4. Pick One: Your Dumb Ego, or Really Good Sex (aka Get Some Lube)
Lia: “Speaking of lube, buy some lube! You may think to yourself, “Oh, I make women really wet, I don’t need lube around”, and you are wrong—women’s bodies are all different, some of us self-lubricate more effectively than others (among other variables). Lube always makes things better, so just grow up and buy some.
The best lube is Liquid Silk, which I like to describe to my female friends as “feels like you, but better” because it really does. It’s water-based and feels completely natural, as opposed to a lot of other lubricants (especially silicone-based ones). There’s no sugar or glycerin in it (so it won’t give women yeast infections), works with latex and non-latex condoms, it won’t stain your sheets, and it comes off just fine.
It’s almost perfect, the caveat being that because there’s no sugar or glycerin in it, it tastes AWFUL. You should also buy a Sliquid lube cube and try out all four of their flavors. Sliquid doesn’t feel as nice as Liquid Silk, but it tastes really nice.
Also! If you like having sex in the shower/sauna/hot tub, what you need is a silicone-based lube that has more staying power and won’t wash off easily; for that I recommend Sliquid Silver Lube.”
Peter: Unfortunately Liquid Silk doesn’t seem to be currently available in the U.S. Sliquid, the flavored lube, is available. Here’s an alternative to Liquid Silk: Erosense ($16) and Oasis Silk ($8). Babeland’s Silk ($16-$24) is also a great alternative.
5. The Gamechanger: Wipes
Lia: “Get some damn baby wipes for beside your bed, so you can wipe yourselves off after sex instead of dripping on sheets, or dripping as you run to the bathroom. [These are a] game changer!!! The unscented feminine hygiene wipes are the best, but harder to buy in bulk.”
Peter: Also good for a pre-sex courtesy wipe of your junk, guys. She’ll appreciate it.
6. Bonus: Pillows
Lia: “My other easy recommendation for better sex is buy pillows. If you still have pillows from your college dorm days, please toss them. You should have at least two, preferably three or four pillows on your bed. Why? Because pillows offer support that can help you and your partner get into and maintain positions better. From my own experience, missionary with one or two pillows beneath my pelvis >>>>> regular missionary.”
#5: The Perfect (And Easiest) Post Sex Meal
Newsflash: she’s not eating light on a date because she hates food.
Yes, wining and dining is part of the seduction, but nobody feels sexy with a stomach full of carbs, cheese, and alcohol.
After you got all the courting out of the way and you like each other enough to jump in bed, I say have sex before your “date”.
You know what’s better than a delicious meal with amazing cocktails?
Having amazing sex, THEN eating a delicious meal with amazing cocktails!
Here’s something I made recently that is not only a crowd pleaser but ridiculously easy.
Cacio e pepe (translation: cheese and pepper), a simple classic pasta dish that’s consists of pasta, cheese, pepper, olive oil, butter, and salt.
It’s decadent and quick, exactly what you want after some good sex.
Pair it with a Sangiovese wine, like Casone Toscana, an amazing steal at $10.99 at Trader Joe’s. (In case you want to impress her a bit more, tell her you read the earthy characteristics of Sangiovese wine goes well with the spicy black pepper and nuttiness of the pecorino. The “I read” part is important, otherwise you just sound like a pretentious asshole.)
This simple dish is way faster than delivery, 100x more delicious, and gets you a ton of bonus points.
Alright gentlemen, have a great weekend, get laid, and as always, play safe.
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